An Old Story...

There I was, standing on the cross road, cross road of the world. This is how I really felt at this moment and it was an amazing feeling.I wish that everyone could feel like that once in their lifetime. I am sure they can and I am sure they had, but I just wanted to share my feeling. Because there are people out there, who cannot feel that,simply because they are not able or they can't because they can't afford...
They can't even imagine and think of anything like that, because too many people sleepwalk trough their days, not feeling the importance of their lives.
So, I was there, standing, holding the cigarette between my long fingers, long nails covered with red polish, wearing a tasty short dress, showing my long tanned legs. Everything was ahead. I didn't know how it was going to end and I didn't know what the end was going to be like. I only knew I had nothing to loose.
I was walking down the aircraft and I didn't want to do that. We were just drinking good old red wine and I could feel his lips on mine. I knew I would feel them forever.....I was sure it will last for a lifetime and I didn't know why I am leaving, I didn't know why I wasn't running back, I was too scared to look back and I was crying and I was losing..

I remember these long phone conversations where I could only hear the tone of his voice, the speech didn't have the meaning, only his existence had a real meaning.

My soul was shaking, I was afraid, I didn't know the end..
The end was up to me, I could have changed my destiny. I had all the possibilities, the world was open in front of me, why I made the decision I did, why this way..
I could hear myself saying, enjoy, present is the only property, the past was gone and the future depends. I have the story now, it is my story, It was like reading the book, it seemed like I was watching the movie. Was I dreaming or was I awake? Is everything determined or is it all uncertain.

Seemed like all the traffic in the world was there, under this bridge, I was standing and smoking.....there were planes in a line on the runway waiting for the take off. There were jets landing in every two minutes, from everywhere in the world, flying to and from the places you could ever name.
It was the cross road of the world.
There were people from different backgrounds, with different life stories, and I saw them.... or did I....I'm not sure. I lived in my anticipation. I was too busy feeling so good, because he was waiting for me.
I was flying like a bird, free in the sky...
Summer 2001